Via: Complex

Leonardo DiCaprio owned a New York City apartment that by all accounts is a space-age wonder. The East Village condo, aside from being built by a company name Delos (*makes Westworld joke*) and endorsed by Deepak Chopra (who now endorses buildings?), features circadian rhythm lighting, a built-in juicing station, and vitamin C-infused showers. None of those words mean much to me, but the apartment sounds pretty boss. However, Leo reportedly rarely used the space, and two days ago, he sold it off for $10 million, $2 million less than he paid for it.

This could just be a story about how Leo is bad at making investments and playing the housing market. Or about how celebrities’ wallets are bigger than their brains. But it goes deeper than that. There’s much more at play. You see, this East Village apartment was the third property listed by Leonardo DiCaprio in three months. In September, Leo put his 1,765-square-foot, beachfront house in Malibu on the market, where it still remains. Shortly after, he listed a 1930s-style ranch home in Studio City, Los Angeles, which sold last week for just over $2.2 million.

What’s going on here? I don’t own house, let alone several houses, so I can’t say for sure what standard practices in the real estate world are, but I’m guessing this sort of thing is unheard of, unless you’re Nicolas Cage. So why is Leo shedding houses like he’s a reseller with too many pairs of Yeezys? I have some theories.

Leo Really Likes ‘Love It or List It’

Love It or List It is an HGTV show starring interior designer Hillary Farr and real estate agent David Visentin. Each episode, Hillary and David, while being stiffly (and suffocatingly) catty, go into a couples’ home and compete—Hillary redecorates the couples’ house in an effort to get them to “Love It,” while David looks for more desirable properties the couple could potentially move to if they choose to “List It.” If you think that sounds insufferable, you’re kind of right. If you think it also sounds like it’s more addictive than crack, then you are VERY RIGHT.

Maybe Love It or List It is to Leo what Vanderpump Rules is to Jennifer Lawrence. And maybe, he got tired of just watching. “What if I listed it?” Leo asked himself one night in the middle of a seven-episode HGTV binge. And then, he did list it. Three times.

Leo’s success rate playing the real estate game—he lost $2 million in the NYC deal, made about $200K in the Studio City sale, and stands to make at least $5 million if the Malibu property sells for asking price—might make David Visentin balk, and Leo might be retroactively wishing he loved houses a little more than he listed them, but such is the cruel, unforgiving blade of Love It or List It. And Leo’s just getting started. It took him decades to become a great actor—give him some time and he’ll be flipping houses like pancakes.

Leo Is Adopting a Nomadic Lifestyle

It worked for that Eat, Pray, Love lady, right? No more houses. No more vitamin C-infused showers. No more trellis-topped patios. No more CitiBikes. No more anything. Perhaps Leonardo DiCaprio and his reported $245 million net worth, approaching 41 years of age, took stock of his life and saw only objects (and, you know, a lot of models). “This doesn’t mean anything,” Leo murmured to himself, trying his best to become a Terrence Malick movie. Then he called his realtor.

From now on, you won’t see Leo on a yacht in St. Tropez. You may not see him anywhere, and when you do see him, you won’t be sure you saw him. He’ll be a whisper in the wind, on his way to middle-aged male enlightenment. Good for you, Leo.

Leo Is Selling All His Small Properties to Build One Super-Property

Maybe one day, Leo was rifling through his books and became astounded by the amount of property taxes he has to pay, not to mention all of the other bills and various forms of upkeep that go into maintaining multiple homes. And it’s so annoying when I go from one home to the other and that one doesn’t have shampoo in it, Leo also thought.

It’d probably be easier, more environmentally friendly, and more financially efficient—not to mention more private—if he consolidated, like how the Empire did with the Deathstar. He’d probably be better off, I don’t know, buying an island or something.

*Googles*

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